July 2, 2012: Post 538 (2012 Day 184)

July 2, 2012

Daily Comment

How nice that it is a short week. It is only a little dreary for me that the day off is Wednesday, no long weekend. But that might be because I didn’t make much of my weekend.

I have noticed a tendency, in myself, to do the easiest, least I can do on my weekends, lately. I am resisting the urge to call myself lazy, because, in general, I’m not lazy – but it is very difficult to motivate me to work.

There seems to be two factors that will get me off my butt to do something that does not bring me instant gratification (the opposite of work). One of them is imminent doom if I do not make an effort, the other is the opportunity to enjoy myself while laboring.

What is missing is a sense of joy in work, of being productive for its own sake. As in everything, it is a matter of perception. If it is fun, it isn’t work, and vice-versa.

I haven’t yet had a job that was enjoyable. I’ve had jobs where, at least some of the time, I looked forward to going to work, but it was usually due to some peripheral benefit: Liking the company of my coworkers, or the work environment.

Sometimes, there was some pleasure in knowing the benefit I would enjoy for having to work. This was a mitigating factor, not a motivating one. The idea that I was supporting myself and my family, or that I wouldn’t have to worry about some upcoming expense because I had a paycheck coming, well, that has been my motivation for working since I was 16.

Back then, it didn’t occur to me that work had a positive side that wasn’t connected to a paycheck. In fact, since then, I’ve only come up with a few non-pay-related benefits, and they haven’t been substantial or enduring.

Probably the most enduring non-paycheck-related benefit of working has been social. 

Beginning in my late twenties, when I first moved out of New York for a corporate job and to start my technical career, work was the primary mode of meeting and creating my social network. However, I have found that very few of the friends I made among my coworkers have outlasted co-location, which is to say, once they or I moved to another assignment, the friendship faltered.

Another benefit, one that stems from my innate job dissatisfaction (irrespective of the actual job), was the structure it provided. Having to be somewhere at a certain time, with a certain daily schedule (regular meetings, lunch, etc), helped me organize my life. 

Unfortunately, as I have shed responsibilities other than those for myself alone, this has also not been so satisfying. I find that I am very comfortable without that structure for my days – I don’t feel the same sense of dissatisfaction with unstructured time that I used to, when I felt that I was participating with other people with similar daily timetables.

Now, most days, I resent having to get up and go to work. Not because the work is bad (it is not odious work, by any means, and I am profoundly grateful to have a job – see paycheck-related benefits, above).

Ultimately, I am one of those people who work for a living. If I didn’t need to, I wouldn’t. I love my days off, as much (or more) for what I don’t have to do as for anything I do with that extra ‘free’ time.

I saw a bumper sticker over the weekend that pretty much says it for me. It said,

“Born to Rock.

Forced to Work.”. 

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        200.4 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    201.8   lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     - 1.4 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

A little weight lost, back in the zone.

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-kale protein shake (almond milk, whey protein (36g protein), kale, cocoa, vanilla, cinnamon, stevia-inulin blend). Chia gel.

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast, Spring Mix greens, cole slaw mix, and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
Pepperoni, a hard-boiled egg, celery and home-made mayonnaise.

Dinner

Wild-caught salmon burger with peas and salsa. Not shown: cole slaw.  

Liquid Intake

    Coffee:   22 oz,   Water: 104+ oz

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