August 24, 2012: Post 591 (2012 Day 237)

August 24, 2012

Daily Comment

Here's a question I was asking myself today:  Why do I have a problem working from home?. 

I always thought being able to work from home was the ultimate benefit you could have in a job. I thought, how cool to be able to work in your underwear and do little things that would mass up on you if it waited until you got home, and most likely not get done at all. 

But there are some uncomfortable aspects to it. I still procrastinate doing the things I should do (like cleaning). Being a slob, my cubicle at work is a much neater, cleaner environment to work in. There are constant distractions at home, and distractions from the distractions at home. My poor ADHD brain twists itself into a knot of irrelevance from that.

Probably the biggest problem I have with it is guilt. I feel guilty at work all the time, because of how much non-productive time there is every day. 

You see, my job is like being the Maytag repair man - my work comes in when it comes. I don't do projects, I am not learning new skills to do the job better or advance (no interest in advancement). When nobody's calling, how I spend my time is up to me, but it belongs to the VA.

In the average eight-hour day, I would guess there's only an hour when I'm being productive. Of course, sometimes it is much more, even all eight hours, but more often, even less! I feel guilty about that. 

I feel twice as guilty at home, when I'm really fucking off on the job, even though I'm never out of sight of my monitor for more than a minute or two. But there's no TV watching, only other computer stuff to relieve the boredom.

I know, it is a choice, but a difficult one. I've taken to usually doing both: Working from home in the morning a few times a week, and going in to the office (only a mile away) for the afternoon half of the day.

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        199.8 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    204.8 lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     - 5.0 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

This is one of the most extreme corrections I've had: A 5 pound loss in a day is very unusual, although not unprecedented. Fasting has not consistently produced a weight loss for me, as counter-intuitive as that is.

Food Log

Brunch

Spinach sauteed in garlic with scrambled eggs and an Italian-style chicken sausage.

Snack
Chia gel, celery and home-made mayonnaise.

Dinner

Wild-caught slamon and organic turkey burgers with cole slaw and Spring Mix with balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
Oreos.

Liquid Intake
    Coffee:    30 oz,   Water: 88+ oz

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