April 19, 2012: Post 110, Day 110 - Fast Day

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Today's Weight:        198.2 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    202.0 lbs
Net Loss/Gain:         - 3.8 lbs

Daily weight from December 31, 2011 -June 30, 2012.

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

I ate very lightly for dinner last night, and today's results are, as they say, atypical. In my experience, daily variation of a pound or two is normal. Variations this large are more common than I thought, though.

Today is a fast day - it will be a 20-hour fast - and if I can contain my post-jam appetite, I expect a small weight drop tomorrow. If not, then, not.

Daily Comment:

I got fired from my secondary project, Big Talk, last night. It was disappointing, but understandable. 

There has always been a little tension over my priorities with the husband-and-wife team that are the center of Big Talk. They are ambitious and focused on commercial success, and my placing their band below i am Fool made them uncomfortable.

When the Fools picked up a gig Friday, and I notified Big Talk that I was going to have to leave rehearsal an  hour early, they decided to look for someone else to play bass.


I felt bad. I would have liked to do both.  I could literally feel my disappointment knotting up my stomach. I did some exercises to 'let it go' but got only a little relief. Hence, the small dinner: low appetite and feeling stress. 

I had already written yesterday's daily comment, and I'm glad I didn't do any analysis while I was still processing the news. 

Again, I was not surprised, and I realize that if I hadn't chosen the gig over practice, I would still be in both bands. 

But that wouldn't have been the right thing to do for i am Fool. That means it wouldn't have been the right thing to do. 

Putting i am Fool first, because I committed to them before Big Talk existed, feels consistent with the way I think about things. If I felt that being in a successful band was more important than those prior commitments, friendship and artistic integrity (not really compromised by either group, by the way), I would have had to break it to the other Fools, instead of making it clear that that was my priority to Big Talk. Because I believe Big Talk will be very successful, more than i am Fool will ever be. And I wish them luck.

But... It did bother me, deep down. I was running the deeply-embedded rejection script that plays whether or not I consciously want it. 

It bothered me enough to spoil my appetite, and spoil my sleep time... so I woke up at 2AM and installed the new strap locks I had bought on the two basses I bought them for. I was done at 2:40, and fell into a deep sleep.

So  it goes. 

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.
 
Lunch
Skipped.


Snack

Dinner 
Pepperoni and Romano cheese. Baby carrots and home-made mayonnaise. Chili (grass-fed beef, tomatoes, mushrooms, red beans, green peas, spices). A salad of Spring Mix greens, red cabbage and balsamic vinaigrette.


Snack
Pepperoni and Romano cheese.


Liquid Intake 

    Coffee:   22 oz,   Water:150+ oz