June 30, 2012: Post 536 (2012 Day 182) - Cheat Day

June 30, 2012

Daily Comment

Just another lazy day, without much to write about, so I'm not going to force the issue. 

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        199.6 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    199.6   lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     - 0.0 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

Woo-hoo! On Dec 31, 2011, I weighed exactly 200 pounds. Six months later, I weigh a few ounces less than that.

But enough about me.

Just kidding. There can't be a blog about my thoughts and my food without making much about me. Today is the year's half-way point. Tomorrow, we will be on the second half.

Food Log

Breakfast
A blueberry-kale protein shake (almond milk, whey protein (24g protein), kale, blueberries, vanilla, stevia-inulin blend).

Lunch

Second Nature Wholesome Medley (dark chocolate chunks, roasted and salted peanutss, almonds and cashews, tart red cherries and dried cranberries).

Snack
Chia gel. Oreos. Dark chocolate.

Dinner

Whole-wheat farfalle (bowties) with peas and butter.

Snack

Black and Blue burger with fries.

Liquid Intake
    Coffee:   32 oz,   Water: 72+ oz

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June 29, 2012: Post 535 (2012 Day 181)

June 29, 2012

Daily Comment

What do you do when something positive for a friend means something negative for you? I'm on both sides of this question - my plans aren't for the most part, impacting my friends in a positive way. What prompts today's theme, though is a matter about another friend. 

I'm talking about the J., the singer/songwriter/guitarist for i am Fool. Besides being a band-mate, and the nominal leader of the band, I count him as a friend. 

When we went on a trip together to a concert, he confided in me that in 3 years he plans to move to Nashville and take a shot at performing his songs as a solo artist, and hopefully selling songs. That would be the end of i am Fool right there.

My plans are to emigrate in a little over 3-1/2 years, so the impact on me would be minimal. But the impact of my leaving on many of my friends (and relatives) is considerable, and many have expressed a distaste for the plan, based on what it means to our relationships.

Here's the thing about J.'s plan - my gut feel is that he would have greater success going solo than i am Fool will have. It is much easier to present your songs as a singer-songwriter, than to put across original material as a band. Having learned all his original material from demos he's recorded by himself, I know he can pull off a one-man show.

If he decided to follow that course, it would be painful to me, as I enjoy the band so much, and because it is central to my current musical endeavors. It would be a big loss. But it might well be the right thing for J.

I am very excited for J. I think he is talented enough to pull off a solo act. His material is certainly strong enough - I think he's one of the better writers I've heard lately (head and shoulder's above everyone I've heard lately, who all sound derivative and less than their influences).

In this case, it is easy to do the right thing - I'll be happy for J. and help and promote his solo work as much as I can. In fact, I offered him my advice to go in that direction - maybe as a side-project, or maybe as his main thing with i am Fool on the side, although I think that would probably be the death-knell for the band. And, of course, I went on stage with him, and played some on his set.

For me, I think that once people understand what it means for me to spend nine or ten months out of the country, and how it will affect our relationship, they will feel better about it, too. 

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        199.6 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    200.4   lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     - 0.8 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

On Dec 31, 2011, I weighed exactly 200 pounds. I want to weigh that (or near it) tomorrow, at the (exact) six month mark. I have become emotionally invested in this. Which I regard as dumb. But there it is.

Of course, this created a prime opportunity for self=sabotage, which I took as I had a late night snack of lots of my cheat-day special Wholesome Medley. Lots.

Technically, I guess, since I started eating it at 1am, it could be a cheat. But it came before my cheat-day weigh-in. So...

On to other things:  I have started eating two foods every day. One is cod-liver oil, which I eat a tablespoon of in the morning. Yes, it is not the gustatorial highlight of the day, but it is cherry-flavored (-scented, really - it doesn't have much of a flavor), and I can get it down without a problem.

The other is chia seeds, which I am experimenting with, but trying to eat a tablespoon or more of every day. Until yesterday, I was just throwing chia into my shakes. Yesterday, I made some chia gel (just chia and water - chia is hydrophylic, which means it absorbs water, and lots of it, the seeds swelling and becoming gelatinous, also making many of the nutrients more bioavailable), and it went down pretty easily. So I made some more for today.

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-kale protein shake (almond milk, whey protein (36g protein), kale, cocoa, vanilla, cinnamon, stevia-inulin blend).

Lunch

Roasted turkey breast, Spring Mix greens, red cabbage, and balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
Chia gel. Hard-boiled eggs and guacamole.

Dinner

Natural pork sausages on eggs with spinach and Rajma Masala (kidney bean curry).  

Snack

Second Nature Wholesome Medley (dark chocolate chunks, roasted and salted peanutss, almonds and cashews, tart red cherries and dried cranberries) . Lots and lots.

Liquid Intake

    Coffee:   22 oz,   Water: 132+ oz

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June 28, 2012: Post 534 (2012 Day 180) - Fast Day

June 28, 2012

Daily Comment

Today I appear before traffic court, to answer a ticket I got for talking on my phone while driving. 

I got the ticket because I didn't realize I was doing anything ticketable. Yes, I know ignorance of the law is no excuse, but, in this case, that ignorance forced the issue. 

I think it's a funny story.

I was visiting the regional Farmer's Market. On my way there, I was stopped at a roadblock, looking for inspection and registration violations. I noticed the roadblock was in both directions, that it was the end of the month (May) and was obviously a revenue push. Having all my auto stuff up-to-date, I didn't think anything about it.

A little background: A week earlier, I had gotten a new phone, my first iPhone. Still new, and still being configured and customized to my taste, I had forgotten to charge and couple my bluetooth earpiece for the new phone. It is not my habit to drive one-handed while talking on my phone. When I got a call as I was walking out of the market to my car, I just answered it.

I was still talking on the phone when I put my bag on the passenger's seat, and headed for the short drive home.

At the roadblock (it was about an hour after I had gone through in the other direction), traffic was backed up - I was about 6 cars back. Still talking

As I rolled towards the officer, I was still on the phone. Pulling up to the officer, still on the phone. I made eye contact, smiled, and was more than a little surprised when, after checking my registration and inspection stickers, the officer signaled me to roll down my window. I told the person on the other side of the phone to hold on, and complied.

The officer said he had to give me a ticket for operating a hand-held device while driving. I told him I wasn't texting (I know that's illegal, and don't care, I hardly ever text). Of course, he told me that talking was also illegal. I said, I didn't know that. He said, it's been illegal longer than texting has been illegal. 

Which means it was made illegal while I was still living in North Carolina, because texting was made illegal, with a lot of publicity, shortly after I moved to Syracuse, 3 years ago. Which explains why I didn't know about it. North Carolina has no law prohibiting talking on cellphones while driving. At the time I left, there wasn't a law about texting and driving, either.

So, I got the ticket for flaunting my illegal cellphone use. I went to court to plead ignorance, and, hopefully, with my three-pronged explanation (not stupid, usually use hands-free equipment, not illegal where I moved from) get, at least, a reduced fine. 

When I got to the court, the clerk told me to just sign the ticket and leave, that for a guilty plea, the amount of the fine would be sent to me in the mail, or if a not guilty plea was entered, the court date would be sent to me in the mail. I said I would plead guilty, but wanted to explain to the judge what happened. I was told I could just write my explanation on a couple of lines provided for that on the ticket. I said it was kind of a long story, and wouldn't fit on the ticket.

That, I was told, meant I would have to wait at least an hour-and-a-half. I said okay, signed appropriately, and went home (4 minutes away). I came back in an hour, and the courthouse was empty. I am so screwed on this thing. What a comedy of errors.

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        200.4 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    201.2   lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     - 0.8 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

Yesterday's comment: "The back-and-forth, up-and-down pattern always seems to hold." will still work for today. And, it's fast day.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch
Skipped.

Break-fast Snack
Cole slaw made with home-made mayonnaise, hard-boiled egg and caraway seeds. Chia gel.

Dinner

Wild caught salmon burger with guacamole and faux mashed potatoes (cauliflower, butter, salt and pepper). 

Liquid Intake
    Coffee:   22 oz,   Water: 132+ oz

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June 27, 2012: Post 533 (2012 Day 179)

June 27, 2012

Daily Comment

I used to think that 'cool' meant never being surprised, or, worse, shaken, by anything going on around you. Cool was being unflappable. It was making whatever you did look natural and effortless. And, for most of the first half of my life, cool was what I wanted to be. 

The benchmarks of cool when I was young were Sean Connery's James Bond (as opposed to Ian Fleming's, although the book version was 'way cool, too) and (although I didn't know his name at the time) Neal Cassady, the model for Kerouac's On the Road hero, Dean Moriarty. The coolest places in the world? London and New York City, where I was. The coolest things? Anything anti-authority (yes, I know this sets up internal contradictions. I'm just reporting here).

Cool was also extremely elitist. If you were cool, you were better than those who weren't, no matter what your comparative accomplishments or value to society. In fact, those measures of comparison were themselves un-cool. Odds are, if you thought cool was cool, you were cool. Or that's just how you felt.

Another aspect of cool was who you hung out with. They had to be cool, too. Again, solipsistic elitism. If you were cool, of course the crowd you hung out with was cool, as well. So there was cliquishness, elitism and snobbery in being cool.

Of course, none of this is cool. I rejected this definition of cool in the years after high school. Exposure to people who were cool in some ways and not others, and people who were happily oblivious to your idea of what was cool, who had their own (legitimate) definition of cool, who were obviously cool in ways I had never considered, ways that repudiated my own limited sense of cool, killed my old sense of what and who was cool

It all contributed to my feeling inexperienced, immature, even inadequate. Because, only among high-schoolers would I be considered cool. As a 16-year old hippie whose society became all older hippies, some much older, my 'cool' didn't stand up to much scrutiny. In hindsight, this turns out to be wrong, but at the time, all I could see was how comparatively uncool I was. In the world I inhabited at the time, I felt I had to work at it, and go a little over-the-top to maintain a personal and social sense of cool.


It took a long time - and a protracted period of not being cool (by any definition), of recognizing and accepting my lack of cool without a sense of loss - to reorganize my thinking about what was and wasn't cool. That happened over a decade in my 30s and early 40s. Older definitions of cool were replaced with more egalitarian versions that didn't require me to compromise my recently altered social and spiritual environment. 

It took a long time to formulate new ideas about 'cool.' And even longer to reach the pinnacle of cool, which is, not caring about what is cool at all.

I guess, in some ways, I'm still working on that.

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        201.2 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    200.0   lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     + 1.2 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

The back-and-forth, up-and-down pattern always seems to hold. Skipping breakfast today, as it is lunch-out-day at the Chinese Buffet. What a poet.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch

At Ling-Ling's Chinese Buffet:

Mongolian grill: sprouts, peppers, onions, mushrooms, cabbage, broccoli, chicken and pork. Sides: Cucumber salad with peas and kimchee.  

Dinner

Chili (grass-fed beef, peas, black beans, tomatoes, mushrooms, spinach, spices) Not shown: coleslaw, hard-boiled eggs with guacamole.

Liquid Intake
    Coffee:   32 oz,   Water: 76+ oz

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June 26, 2012: Post 532 (2012 Day 178)

June 26, 2012

Daily Comment

People's opinions and impressions of me, and who I was have rarely matched my internal picture. I guess this shouldn't be surprising; people usually have limited information to work with, and rarely hold off on forming impressions for a long enough time to ask questions. They take their impression, project, and don't question how accurate the resulting conclusions are. 

I do it, too, of course. These days, though, I temper this with the knowledge that I am always wrong, either in the main or in any details I think I know. I stay humble in the knowledge that I don't know the whole story. Nobody does.

The tag on my email signature says,"A state of doubt is unpleasant, but a state of certainty is ridiculous." - Voltaire. That says a lot to me, all of it true. The first thing a person needs to understand is the limits of understanding, and why nothing is certain. Even beliefs, no matter how deeply held, are not absolute. There's always more to the story than our limited sensory input can perceive.

We gather information through our senses, as if this represented all there was to know about any thing or anybody. As if our senses were accurate and unlimited, which is incorrect, and what our senses don't tell us, we 'learn' in one of a few ways: We deduce it, or try to fill in what we don't sense logically; we guess, at some level (I'm including 'intuition' - which I happen to think is valid - as a guess); or we just plain make it up. Psychologists have shown a high percentage of what we sense is evaluated, primarily, by how much it fits with our preconceptions and expectations - that is, we will make up any damn thing that makes what we sense be consistent with our world view/beliefs.

So I shouldn't be surprised when I find that someone is relating to me based on an idea of who I am that is, to mee, at least partially, incorrect, compared to what I feel and know about myself. And that is based on a level of consciousness that doesn't normally access sub- and un-conscious thoughts and feelings, and these shape us as much as or more than our physical senses.

In the past, I've been surprised to find that various people thought I was aloof, standoffish, or emotionally cold. They have assumed attributes that I only wished I had. I have been overestimated and underestimated. They have taken traits that I believe I do possess, and exaggerated them to an extreme that I no longer recognized in myself. There have been mutually-contradictory ideas about me (naive and street-smart) (I'm not that much of either).


And, per yesterday's ideas about 'Glory Days', there are all those false/incomplete/partial/inaccessible memories, which mean I'm not even sure whether I have a valid self-concept, rendering the validity of anyone else's moot.

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        200.0 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    201.8   lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     - 1.8 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

And, back again at 200! Today will be an almost identical repeat of yesterday.

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-kale protein shake (almond milk, whey protein (36g protein), kale, chia seeds, cocoa, vanilla, cinnamon, stevia-inulin blend).

Lunch

Salmon salad  (wild-caught salmon, celery and home-made mayonnaise) on Spring Mix greens and red cabbage. 

Dinner

Chili (grass-fed beef, peas, black beans, tomatoes, mushrooms, spinach, spices).

Snack

Celery and home-made mayonnaise.

Liquid Intake
    Coffee:   22 oz,   Water: 132+ oz

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June 25, 2012: Post 531 (2012 Day 177)

June 25, 2012

Daily Comment

There is a tendency to look back on the time when I had no responsibilities as something akin to my 'glory days'. I think I should resist that. 

Two reasons I say this. First, my memory is inaccurate. I know this. My memory is both selective and prone to fiction, confusing things I wanted to happen with things that actually did; changing names, locations, sequences of things that I did, with no editing marks to help me separate fact and fiction. The second reason is that my internal, emotional rankings of old events makes things look good now that weren't good then, and vice-versa. My glory days may not be those I remember best, and may not be as glorious as other days I've forgotten or devalued, for whatever reason.

The best example I can give was during a 3-year period that began around 1970, when I was a traveling salesman. Initially, I sold imported Mexican goods for a company that turned out to be a front for a pot dealership; then as a rep for Mexican jewelery (this was a legitimate company). Both of these were exciting jobs - I drove all across the Northeast meeting new people, going to new places. The money was pretty good, I was a decent salesman.

I look at this period with a lot of fondness. These jobs enabled me to go places and do things I hadn't previously done, and that hadn't occurred to me to do. It put me together with people I would never have otherwise met. I can think of a lot of highlights. But it ended with my being very, very unhappy, and I quit - rather abruptly. 

But, here's the thing: It is easy for me to remember why I quit; but I can't recall how I was feeling at the time. When I think back on it, I remember the excitement, the highlights, the fun and not the elements that combined to depress me and, ultimately, lead to me fleeing from that scene; it led me back to music.

Which I remember also as being a fabulous time. But, once I start considering that time, I remember a lot of not-so-fabulous things about this period, too. And so on. I can pick apart the memories of my past - my glory days - pretty easily. Nothing is exactly as I remember it, and, as these days tend to have occurred a half-lifetime ago, I know that they get more and more distorted, mythologized, and - might as well come right out and say it - bogus, as time goes by.

I also know this about those days in my past: It isn't them. It is these days that are, as Carly Simon sang, "the good old days."

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        201.8 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    200.2   lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     + 1.6 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

A bit of a reversal from yesterday's weight loss; almost certainly due to water weight gain.

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-kale protein shake (almond milk, whey protein (36g protein), kale, chia seeds, cocoa, vanilla, cinnamon, cod liver oil, stevia-inulin blend).

Lunch

Roast turkey and hard-boiled egg  on Spring Mix greens and red cabbage with balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
Pepperoni.

Dinner

Chili (grass-fed beef, peas, black beans, tomatoes, mushrooms, spinach, spices).

Liquid Intake
    Coffee:   22 oz,   Water: 120+ oz

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June 24, 2012: Post 530 (2012 Day 176) - Fast Day

June 24, 2012

Daily Comment

Today, I watched a lot of Game of Thrones. 

I hadn't ever seen it before (not being an HBO subscriber), so it was... interesting.

Alternately fascinated and repulsed, I barely have a handle on who the characters are. Still, great series fun, if not much of a step above Schwarznegger's Conan.

Then, went out and played a lot of funky bass. That makes for a good day.

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        200.2 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    202.6   lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     - 2.4 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

That's more weight than I've ever lost on a cheat day (in contrast to the more typical 3-5 pound weight gain). I didn't drink very much, so some of that is water, and will come back on today. But, it is needed.

And, it was a Fast Day as well. I was able to go the whole 24 hours without food.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch

Skipped.


Dinner

Dal Makhtandi (lentil and tomato curry) with spinach and eggs.

Snack
Hard-boiled eggs, guacamole and home-made mayonnaise.

Liquid Intake
    Coffee:   22 oz,   Water:66+ oz

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June 23, 2012: Post 529 (2012 Day 175) - Cheat Day

June 23, 2012

Daily Comment

Lazy day. The kind of day that makes me want to watch TV. Especially after being woken up by the FIOS guys calling to tell me someone had screwed with the building's cable box and rewired my apartment for Time-Warner (which I no longer have service with).

That's the kind of thing that makes you go, "Hm-m-m-m."

And you just let the day go by.

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        202.6 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    205.6   lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     - 3.0 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

That's more weight than I want to start a cheat day with, but... cheat day is still on. I had an entire bag of one sort-of-healthy nut mix. Definitely off-plan (dried fruit = concentrated sugar, and then there's that dark chocolate...), but I bet I lose weight with this cheat.

Food Log

Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner

Second Nature (R) Wholesome Medley (dark chocolate chunks, roasted and salted peanutss, almonds and cashews, tart red cherries and dried cranberries) .

Snack

Blueberry protein shake: Almond milk, vanilla whey protein (36g protein), blueberries, vanilla, chia seeds, cinnamon, stevia-inulin blend.

Liquid Intake

    Coffee:   32 oz,   Water:46+ oz

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June 22, 2012: Post 528 (2012 Day 174)

June 22, 2012

Daily Comment

I began yesterday's writing by saying, "In the second phase of my college life, college was the smallest part of my life." 

I ended that same post backwards, with a comment about high school, and never really finished discussing my 'phase 2'. I will do that here and now.

While I was more engaged in my college career this second time around, and had completely re-contextualized my college activities, most of the forces at play in my new environment were pulling me away from school. 

For one thing, only one of my two new roommates was a student. He was studying to become a teacher, but doing it while maintaining a pot high and a party environment. When things got difficult at school, he left. The roommate that replaced him had dropped out of CCNY in his freshman year, with no plans on ever going back (he later invented one of the first optical mice [the computer input device] and snagged a job recording train sounds for Neal Young's Lionel Trains company, so I'm not of a mind to second-guess that decision). And the partying was continuous - we lived in a bad neighborhood in New York, but rarely locked our doors, because someone was always home, always up.

We were all hippies. No need to qualify it or soft-pedal it, although it has become a joke and a cliche and it is no longer fashionable to identify yourself as having been that. The 'Summer of Love' in San Francisco was about to happen. There were rock magazines. There were birth control pills, and women were re-thinking the conventional morality. There were psychedelics and there was pot. There was an antiwar movement. There was a sense of cool, of identifying with a group that was not looking at the post-World War II adults running things. FM radio was just catching on, and television wasn't part of the experience. The media hadn't caught on the way it would only a little later; nothing had been co-opted yet.

My apartment was a gathering place that concentrated all this radical-seeming change. There was constant music. There were lots of drugs around. There was a lot of sexual tension getting resolved.

And, at least for me, there was school. I was pretty good at showing up for class. Homework had to be done at school - it wasn't going to happen at home. I spent a lot of time in the South Campus cafeteria, but only a little time with my textbooks. Most of my time, on- and off-campus, was spent socializing. New friends, old friends, students and non-students, it was quite a scene.

There was a constant pull away from school. I couldn't answer the question of what I was hoping to get out of attending. I was still doing it out of a sense of inevitability and legacy, rather than with a purpose. School seemed less and less relevant. Then, one day, it was not. 

The one class that I was struggling with was French. I had decided to take it to overcome my perceived disability with languages. Possibly, if I could have given it more concentrated effort, I might have succeeded, but one day, my teacher told me to withdraw from the class - I was not going to pass. I decided to drop out (again). I told my favorite teacher (European history), and she tried to dissuade me.

I mentioned it to the one older student I had befriended, and got a lecture on how difficult it would be to come back - and that I would want to come back. I thanked him. It took me quite a few years to discover how right he was - and where he was, in my case, wrong.

And, so, just before Thanksgiving, 1967, education phase 2 ended. The party I started when I got home that day lasted almost exactly 10 years.

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        205.6 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    203.0   lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     + 2.6 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

I don't want to give the impression that I am discouraged or dispirited, but really: Double ugh - I wasn't expecting today's weight gain at all. I thought I had a loss in the bag. Which just goes to show you. I may have to double down in the next week: No pepperoni, no snacking on home-made mayonnaise.

For those of you who are thinking, well, of course, eating that stuff will make you fat; I humbly disagree. I'm not sure what is going on here, but I know that eating fat doesn't make you fat. There is a miniscule amount of sugar used to make the pepperoni - I'm more likely to suspect that.

And my home-made mayonnaise, while by definition being nearly pure fat, is all good fat (grapeseed, walnut and macadamia nut oil, if you must know); and the spices that I use do not include any sugar, but do include quite a bit of black and red pepper.

I also know that calories are pretty meaningless in determining whether weight will go up or down - whether you stimulate a fat-storing or fat-burning hormonal response is more important.

So, I am still dispassionate, but I also haven't broken this 6-week weight-increase trend, either. The chart shows that it is broke, so it needs fixing.

Food Log

Breakfast
A cocoa-kale protein shake (almond milk, whey protein (36g protein), kale, chia seeds, cocoa, vanilla, cinnamon, stevia-inulin blend).

Lunch

Dal Tadka (lentil curry) with spinach and eggs with a salad of Spring Mix greens, red cabbage and balsamic vinaigrette.   

Dinner

Natural pork sausage with broccoli and lentil-tomato curry. 

Liquid Intake
    Coffee:   22 oz,   Water:104+ oz

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