August 30, 2012: Post 597 (2012 Day 243)

August 30, 2012

Daily Comment

Last night I saw Bruce Springsteen at Vernon Downs Racetrack, a little more than a half-hour away from home.

It was, in every way, a fabulous night. One of the best concerts I've been to (and I've been to some memorable concerts).

Technically, the concert was superlative - the three gigantic tv screens, the huge (really, really huge) stage and performance setup, and the best outdoor sound I've ever heard - balanced and punchy, every instrument and vocal could be heard.

The weather was also perfect - Crystal clear skies and comfortable temperatures (when we got there it was about 70 degrees out, when we left it was in the low 60s - not too cool for comfort at all.

The performance, what we came for, was standard for Springsteen: Which means, because he and the band are one of the best performing acts ever, it delivered what the audience was there for. Yes, he has schtick. But as someone who's been a top live performer for 40 years, he knows what works for him and he knows his audience. Even the corny stuff doesn't feel that way, it feels like a natural and organic part of the show. The high-energy performance itself, like the soul acts he modeled his performance style on, was theatrical without costumes, without the usual rock-n-roll props, all movements seeming natural, spontaneous, and unstrained.

One thing that is sometimes missing from such huge concert performances is a sense of warmth and heart - that has certainly been the case in other huge concerts that I've attended (some of the stuff I saw in Madison Square Garden comes to mind). Not the case here. The audience is embraced and is having a good time from the minute the band hits the stage. Bruce frequently involved the audience on a number of levels throughout the night, walking out into the crowd at stage front, taking requests (by bringing the signs they'd brought to the stage) and, since most of his repertoire is so well-known, sing-alongs throughout the perfermance. He even (very Courtney Cox) brought up a young boy to sing a chorus, and ended up with the boy on his shoulders.

He and the E-Street Band (and E-Street Horns and E-Street Choir) are all excellent musicians, and from that point of view, there was nothing to be desired - every individual musician had a moment had at least one moment in the spotlight - they are a tight and obviously well-rehearsed unit,. They performed for three hours, and the energy-level never dropped.

A very good night, indeed!

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        202.4 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    206.2 lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     - 3.8 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

My weight continues to jump around crazily. I guess that's the way it is going to be for a while, as my schedule for the next ten days is also crazy - there will be random cheats, which, although it just shouldn't have happened, began tonight, as I subbed after rehearsal and stayed out tired and a little hungry.

Speaking of Eating crazy, last night's ultra-late breaking of the fast (1am) meant I woke up feeling full, so no breakfast.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch

Tuna and Egg salad on Spring Mix.

Dinner

Chili (Ground beef, black beans, mushrooms, tomatoes, spinach, spices) with peas.

Snack
A shot of Jameson's. A shot of something awful and sweet (whiskey and honey? I don't know - they were giving them away, somebody suggested I try it - nauseating). Then candy, and lots of it. This was a really bad fail, brought on by being tired and hungry and nowhere near any on-plan food.

Midnight Snack
More chili. @1am.

Liquid Intake
    Coffee:  22 oz,  Water: 120+ oz,  a shot of Jameson's, and something else I wish I hadn't tried.

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August 29, 2012: Post 596 (2012 Day 242) - Fast Day

August 29, 2012

Daily Comment

I have already established the importance of making music in my life. Interestingly, though, listening to music - recorded or live - has a different priority these days.

It is a fact that I don't listen to music as much as I used to. In fact, I don't listen to music - at least, other people's music - all that often any more.

There was a time, not recently, when listening to music was the default. If there was no reason not to (work stuff), I had music playing. I had an amazing stereo, the best of anybody I knew. My car always had a radio, tape and/or CD player (once that started becoming standard). I even made my own tapes (before the mix tape concept got popular).

And I was always after new music. I acquired it - in my 20s, I had the biggest album collection of any of my friends - any way I could, on the best media available, which was LPs.

Then, something happened. Actually, it was a confluence of things. First was the CD. Then MTV. Then corporate radio. Finally, the change in popular music taste (rap).

The CD was a convenience medium that allowed the record companies to re-sell their catalogs. It was sonically inferior to vinyl LPs, but was touted as being superior (pure marketing bullshit). What it was, for the consumer, was very easy to use, much, much, much less fussy than records, and had random (and non-destructive) search. It just didn't sound as good.

I didn't buy it - I loved my records, had an excellent turntable/arm/cartridge, even a commercial record cleaner. But gradually, my CD collection grew. When I moved from North Carolina, I gave my entire record collection, as well as my turntable, to a friend.

Then came MTV. Suddenly, musical content was secondary to visual appeal. Not that everything that appeared on MTV was bad music, but before I tuned it out, an awful lot of crap was sold by packaging it with an appealing video. I haven't tuned into MTV in decades. I have no idea what goes on there.

Once corporations got control of popular radio, with their limited playlists and unwillingness to break new music, I was relegated to college radio and NPR. Gradually, NPR took presedence, and I started listening to the Public Radio stations that played Jazz and Classical music to go along with their news/talk shows, which I also enjoyed.

Finally, rap came along. Initially, I was interested, because it reminded me of the reggae Dub music I had learned to love in Jamaica. But I didn't understand it, and didn't relate to the message.

Over time, my car listening gravitated to the talk shows on NPR, only occasionally listening to music when that was all that was available. I found myself watching TV rather than putting on a CD. Once I moved back North, my not great stereo system became less and less used. Everybody was listening to music at work, but, to my surprise, I couldn't get into that - it was too distracting for me.

When I did listen to music, I found myself attracted to the music of my "heyday" - the 60s and 70s - and pretty much nothing remotely modern. Gradually, I lost touch with current popular music. Now, I have only my family and friends to tell me about new music - I make no discoveries on my own.

Now, almost the only time I hear new music is when I'm learning it for performance purposes. In fact, that's almost the only time I listen to anybody else's music these days.

And that's fine. They say the music you liked when you were fourteen years old is the music (at least, the style of music) you will find to your liking for the rest of your life. And, that music, thanks to my near-total immersion between thirty-five and fifty years ago, plays in my head without benefit of audio equipment.

Works for me.

Note: I will probably have something to say about tonight's Bruce Springsteen concert tomorrow.

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        206.2 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    203.8 lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     + 2.4 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

I am flummoxed. I don't understand this particular zag in the zig of my weight. Maybe its the mayonnaise? Anyway, although I didn't start out with this intention, today is a fast day. I had no hunger in the morning, and, as lunch time came and went (still without hunger), it became obvious to me that I was going to do my 24-hour fast today, instead of the usual date tomorrow.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch
Skipped.

Dinner
Skipped.

Midnight Snack (Breakfast)
Roast turkey, hard-boiled eggs, cole slaw and guacamole. @1am.

Liquid Intake
    Coffee:    52 oz,   Water: 120+ oz

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August 28, 2012: Post 595 (2012 Day 241)

August 28, 2012

Daily Comment

I first heard Bob Dylan's It's All Over Now, Baby Blue at a friend's house, right after she'd bought the Bringing It All Back Home album. I hadn't been that big of a Dylan fan - I thought he wrote better than his records sounded, and, like his die-hard folkie fans, I thought the switch to an electric sound was a sell-out. Fifteen-year olds can be so self-righteous.

Great song as it is, Dylan's version wasn't the one that got me. The version that knocked me out was by Van Morrison's early band, Them on the album Them Again.

What an amazing performance. I know now that they brought in some studio musicians for the take on the album, but at the time, I thought this was the best band I'd ever heard out of England (I didn't know they were from Belfast, either). They replaced the Animals, who had held that spot previously.

The song also had a big impact on me musically. Taking someone else's song and covering it in a way that changed its style, while preserving the emotional intensity and integrity of the original. Borrowing from other genres to create a synthesis. I think of this as the 'rock' my music is built on.

The Them version of the song begins with a bass line stolen from Ben E. King's Stand By Me. But only for two measures. The third measure twists it into something more original, while preserving the groove of the stolen phrase. Then a guitar, sounding like a vibraphone (played through a Leslie cabinet?) adds an exotic, jazzy feel. That builds until the gospel, bluesy, soulful vocal of Van Morrison starts, singing the lyrics with total commitment. That intensity is carried through the rest of the song, building by adding a few more musical layers, but keeping the vocal-bass-guitar parts at the center, with the vocal intensity never faltering, even as it seems to increase in gravitational force.

Here's a youtube link to the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7WJHdE0__I.

This now sounds to me like something I would arrange, but that could be a mind trick based on years and years of loving this arrangement - a chicken and egg thing: Did I love the arrangement because it sounded like my own, or do I think it sounds like me because I loved the arrangement back when I wasn't very musically sophisticated?

I'm pushing hard for my band to cover this, and it's one of those rare times (I can only think of a couple of others) where I want them to learn it from the cover rather than the original.

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        203.8 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    206.2 lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     - 2.4 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

OK, turning it around, like I do just about every week.

Food Log

Breakfast

Chia gel.

Lunch

Rajma Masala (red kidney bean curry) with spinach and eggs, and Spring Mix, cole slaw mix, red cabbage and balsamic vinaigrette.

Dinner
Roast turkey and home-made mayonnaise. Still hungry, so I made and ate a couple of Italian-style chicken sausages with whole seed Dijon mustard.

Snack
Cocoa-kale protein shake (almond milk, whey protein (36g protein), kale, cocoa, vanilla, cinnamon, stevia-inulin blend).

Liquid Intake
    Coffee:    22 oz,   Water: 124+ oz

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August 27, 2012: Post 594 (2012 Day 240)

August 27, 2012

Daily Comment

My desire to play bass in an ensemble is at odds with my health. I am talking about my being constantly sleep-deprived.

Any night, Sunday through Thursday, that I go out to play is a night I will not get enough sleep. Since I typically go out to play at least three, sometimes four of those nights, I am chronically sleep-deprived.

I have gotten used to it, but that doesn't mean it is working for me. It is not. Even now, as I write this, I am feeling almost sick with tiredness.

Getting more sleep may well be the biggest change in my life when I retire. It will be an improvement - not having to wake up at a given time, being able to sleep until my body tells me it is time to wake up - but I wonder how difficult the adjustment might be.

Right now, whether my schedule permits more, or not, most nights I get only four to five hours of sleep. Weirdly, I fight to stay awake when I should be going to bed. And this is nothing new. It has been going on since the mid-1990s, when I got back into playing regularly, and sought out every possible opportunity to play.

Sometimes, I got so overtired, I would fall asleep in the middle of activities like eating, talking, and having sex (I am lousy in bed, but that was... noted withoutany sympathy). Today, I am falling asleep typing. This.

My priorities are clearly, totally, screwed up, and nowm what was once a choice (albeit one that was made without accounting for consequences) has become a (bad) habit. My sleep hygiene is poor.

And, since our habits are what make us who we are, it is no wonder that certain things, like my health and a social life outside of the music scene, have gone by the wayside, as I happily make my music. All kinds of bad things come from being overtired.

Time will tell when I begin to correct this. Writing this means it has my attention, and, in my experience, that's the first step. I think it is also somewhat self-limiting, because once my schedule becomes free by not having to work (less than three-and-a-half years from now), there will be no alarms in the morning; at least initially, overseas, no playing until late at night/early next morning. We'll see. I may have to make some changes between now and then, as cataloging the negative effects of sleep deprivation is too tiring (LOL).

I think I am not alone in having my desires trump my needs, and I'm confounded as to how things get so out of whack. I hear stories all the time about poor and hungry people with big-screen TVs, and wealthy people with terrible self-destructive addictions.

What in our nature allows this? I would say 100% of the time it is mistaking wants for needs, but that is over-simplified. I can tell you from experience that I have no peace, and no good perspective, when I'm not playing, and that the more I play, the more joy I have, the more calm. How are these things not needs?

There is an answer, but it is difficult. I could solve my problem by changing jobs, or quitting work entirely, but that would introduce other problems, such as how to pay for the true necessities of life. No, the answer is probably playing less often, finding out how little I can play without feeling deprived, and losing my sense of joy of life, and then, making certain that I maximize the amount of sleep the rest of the time, but...

From what I know about these things, you cannot make up for lost sleep by sleeping more later (although you can refresh yourself and avoid some of the more odious complications from sleep deprivation); and good sleep hygiene demands consistently going to bed and waking up at the same time every day.

So, the grand experiment continues.

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        206.2 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    205.2 lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     + 1.0 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

I would like to answer the following questions about my diet and weight: Does fasting help with weight control? Does lack of sleep/not sleeping well cause you to gain weight?

The answer to the first question:  Not in any predictable way. Last week, I lost more than 5 pounds in a single day fasting. Yesterday's fast resulted in a one-pound gain.

The answer to the second question: Yes.

Food Log

Breakfast

A cocoa-kale protein shake (almond milk, whey protein (36g protein), kale, chia gel, a whole organic egg, cocoa, vanilla, cinnamon, stevia-erythritol blend).

Lunch

Skipped, mostly. Ate some oatmeal cookies at work, though. Not good.

Snack
Chorizo sausage, baby carrots and home-made mayonnaise.

Dinner
The snack was so filling, I skipped dinner.

Snack
Chorizo sausage, baby carrots and home-made mayonnaise.

Liquid Intake
    Coffee:    30 oz,   Water: 64+ oz

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August 26, 2012: Post 593 (2012 Day 239) - Fast Day

August 26, 2012

Daily Comment

I did not sleep well, waking up at around 3:30AM. I started to watch movies, and saw an old Milos Foreman movie, Taking Off. This may be the best movie I've ever seen about its time period (1969, I think. It was released in 1971). It just captures a perfect slice of life in NY, post-youth counter culture. It was very, very funny, and very well-acted. It had Carly Simon and Ike and Tina Turner in cameo musical performance. Just, well, great.

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        205.2 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    199.4 lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     + 5.8 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

Oh, baby, packed it on yesterday like I was at the Fair (the NY State Fair is currently happening in Syracuse). No matter, even though my weight is way up and I didn't sleep well (which itself probably influenced the weight gain), I felt good today, and I know the weight will come off, so no worries. I broke my fast at 1:45am Monday morning.

Food Log

Breakfast
Skipped.

Lunch
Skipped.

Dinner
Skipped.

Snack/Break-fast
Chia gel, hard-boiled eggs and guacamole.

Liquid Intake

    Coffee:    0 oz,   Water: 132+ oz

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August 25, 2012: Post 592 (2012 Day 238) - Cheat Day

August 25, 2012

Daily Comment

More on yesterday's question about my problem with working from. 

Yes, but not really. I touched on something briefly yesterday, and it is about the fact that I'm a slob. Chronically deficient in neatness. 

All my life, too. Beginning with not cleaning up my toys.

Now, I would argue that that's my nature, and there's a fair amount of nurture there, too. 

I have turned every environment over which I had any influence into the set from Sanford and Son.

And I don't mind wallowing in my filth, either. Only when I feel I am being observed can I keep a semblance of neatness. 

It isn't a lack of discipline, either. I have had the discipline to get an education, with a Summa Cum Laude in Mathematics and Computer Science, I have had the discipline to learn an instrument, lose weight, etc.

My slovenly ways can't be attributed to lack of discipline, but lack of will, lack of finding neatness a worthwhile expenditure of energy.

Perhaps it is also laziness. But it seems to be, just a fact!

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        199.4 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    199.8 lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     - 0.4 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

A bedtime snack fail didn't cause any problems, for which I'm grateful.

Food Log

Breakfast

At the NY Regional Market, I had a couple of cookies, then went to Mama Nancy's for my favorite cheat breakfast (out):

This blurry photo represents a half Big Anthony fritatta, containing potatoes, eggs, sausage, pepperoni, onions, peppers,  mushrooms and broccoli; with hot sauce (in back); a side of  dry rye toast, a glass of grapefruit juice and, of course, black coffee.

Lunch

I went to Wegman's and made myself a mix of nuts, dark chocolate and raisins, then had some ice cream.

Dinner
I had the buffet at Sahota Palace Indian Restaurant. I had some of everything they had at the smallish buffet, including chicken, lamb, chick pea and vegetable curries, bread, rice and biryani (the Indian version of fried rice), and rice pudding for dessert. Later, I had more of the ice cream I bought for 'lunch'.

Liquid Intake

    Coffee:    30 oz,   Water: 72+ oz

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August 24, 2012: Post 591 (2012 Day 237)

August 24, 2012

Daily Comment

Here's a question I was asking myself today:  Why do I have a problem working from home?. 

I always thought being able to work from home was the ultimate benefit you could have in a job. I thought, how cool to be able to work in your underwear and do little things that would mass up on you if it waited until you got home, and most likely not get done at all. 

But there are some uncomfortable aspects to it. I still procrastinate doing the things I should do (like cleaning). Being a slob, my cubicle at work is a much neater, cleaner environment to work in. There are constant distractions at home, and distractions from the distractions at home. My poor ADHD brain twists itself into a knot of irrelevance from that.

Probably the biggest problem I have with it is guilt. I feel guilty at work all the time, because of how much non-productive time there is every day. 

You see, my job is like being the Maytag repair man - my work comes in when it comes. I don't do projects, I am not learning new skills to do the job better or advance (no interest in advancement). When nobody's calling, how I spend my time is up to me, but it belongs to the VA.

In the average eight-hour day, I would guess there's only an hour when I'm being productive. Of course, sometimes it is much more, even all eight hours, but more often, even less! I feel guilty about that. 

I feel twice as guilty at home, when I'm really fucking off on the job, even though I'm never out of sight of my monitor for more than a minute or two. But there's no TV watching, only other computer stuff to relieve the boredom.

I know, it is a choice, but a difficult one. I've taken to usually doing both: Working from home in the morning a few times a week, and going in to the office (only a mile away) for the afternoon half of the day.

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        199.8 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    204.8 lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     - 5.0 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

This is one of the most extreme corrections I've had: A 5 pound loss in a day is very unusual, although not unprecedented. Fasting has not consistently produced a weight loss for me, as counter-intuitive as that is.

Food Log

Brunch

Spinach sauteed in garlic with scrambled eggs and an Italian-style chicken sausage.

Snack
Chia gel, celery and home-made mayonnaise.

Dinner

Wild-caught slamon and organic turkey burgers with cole slaw and Spring Mix with balsamic vinaigrette.

Snack
Oreos.

Liquid Intake
    Coffee:    30 oz,   Water: 88+ oz

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August 23, 2012: Post 590 (2012 Day 236) - Fast Day

August 23, 2012

Daily Comment

I started today's comment three times, and couldn't get in the flow any of them. Weird day. 

I admit to being thrown off stride by some of the day's events - events that were hard for me to think about in a positive light, and events that I wanted to  respond to, but couldn't be dealt with until after working hours. 

So it goes. The events didn't even happen to me, but to others, weren't life-threatening, and didn't even inconvenience me. They happened to other people, people I am involved with, and didn't even have physical form.

But, my empathetic, sympathetic or pathetic self was jarred. And nothing I wrote was working. This commentary can be considered the result, or the proof of that, I guess.

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Food and Diet Section

Today's Weight:        204.8 lbs 
Yesterday's Weight:    204.6 lbs  
Day Net Loss/Gain:     + 0.2 lbs

Year 2012 daily weight from December 31, 2011.

Diet Comment:

Today's results come from last night's excess. While the chili I make is completely on plan, it is also very delicious to me. Last night, I got into it. Between 8 and 11:30 PM, I ate the entire batch that I made. One batch includes a pound of beef, a pound of peas, half a pound each of spinach and mushrooms, and a can each of black beans and diced tomatoes. In short, a lot of food. A lot of food. I can't believe I ate the whole thing (with apologies to Alka-Seltzer and the porn industry of the early 70s). It's a good thing it's a fasting day.

Food Log

Breakfast

Skipped.

Lunch
Skipped.

Dinner

A cocoa-kale protein shake (almond milk, whey protein (36g protein), kale, chia gel, an egg (organic, whole, raw), cocoa, vanilla, cinnamon, stevia-inulin blend).

Liquid Intake

    Coffee:    24 oz,   Water: 78+ oz

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